


I Saw Audrey Kissing Santa Claus

by SandraDeee



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 23:24:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8943592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandraDeee/pseuds/SandraDeee
Summary: Audrey and Nathan try to sort through their complicated feelings and get a little help from an unexpected source along the way. Holiday fluff in four parts.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this story in December of 2010 and posted it at fanfiction. It was written before we knew all of Audrey's background when Haven was still quite a new show.

**Part One**

“I think the only part of me still warm is my feet.” Audrey Parker blew into her cupped hands as she crossed her shared office with Nathan Wuornos, trying to imbue her frozen digits with some semblance of warmth. Yeah, it was a losing battle.

Nathan glanced over from where he sat behind his desk and saw Audrey wearing the insulated boots he had given to her several months ago to help her acclimate to life in Haven as a local. The corners of his mouth turned up ever-so-slightly. She had a long way to go if she was going to get used to a Haven winter if her pink nose and cheeks were any indication. But at least her toes wouldn’t fall off. 

“You know I hate you right now, don’t you?” Audrey’s harsh words were softened by the lack of any real malice in her tone.

“I suppose I should ask why.”

Audrey laughed, sounding sardonic rather than gleeful. “I’ve been out there for the last two hours freezing my butt off trying to convince Mrs. Nelson that she doesn’t live next door to Santa Claus.”

Tapping the cap of his pen on his desk, Nathan was fighting off a full-out grin. “She wants a restraining order every year, barring him from coming down her chimney.”

“Now you tell me,” she muttered. “Okay. I’ve just got to know. Is anyone _normal_ in Haven?”

Nathan shrugged.

“Would’ve been nice if I could have argued with her _inside_ her house, rather than outside. Seriously, I hate you right now. You’ve been in here toasty warm—”

“I’ve been doing paper work, covered up in it, absolutely miserable.” For effect, Nathan scowled.

“You’re just trying to make me feel better.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Is it working?”

“Maybe a little,” she replied, wrinkling her nose.

“And you know that I don’t feel warmth.”

“Or cold,” Audrey grumbled, an involuntary shudder running through her.

“Guess there are advantages.” Nathan couldn’t say he felt particularly fortunate most of the time over his loss of feeling—perceiving pain, hot and cold. But remembering just how brutal Haven winters could be, he definitely didn’t miss the discomfort that could go along with them.

Taking a folder, Nathan walked to the file cabinet, his back to Audrey. He could hear movement behind him and sense her closing in the distance, but it wasn’t until he felt her small, icy hands on the nape of his neck that he nearly jumped out of his skin.

It had been so long. And what a _strange_ sensation it was. Cold and warmth warred. The cold of her hands—she wasn’t over exaggerating when she’d complained—and the warmth of what he realized was his own skin. He shivered. He actually _shivered_ before instinctively squirming away from her touch to avoid the cold, and the sensations faded like a silent death coming to his nerve endings.

Audrey smiled at his reaction, though she shivered herself. “Didn’t think you danced, Nathan. Guess you can’t complain that I never share with you.”

“You’re like Frosty…only louder,” Nathan grumbled looking at her sideways.

“I think Frosty was probably warmer than I am right now,” she replied, her teeth chattering.

“C’mere.” Taking her right hand, he cocooned it between his own hands, rubbing vigorously in an effort to warm her up.

Cold. Softness. Strength. He felt her.

When Nathan touched her, he was still surprised, though he wasn’t sure what surprised him most: that he _could_ feel her or that contact with Audrey could feel so…remarkable.

A few months ago, he couldn’t have imagined himself initiating any kind of touch. With anyone, really. He had been closed off for so long, and touching someone and feeling nothing, well, it was a cruel reminder of what he’d lost.

Of course, with Audrey, it was different. She was the only person he had felt in nearly three years. He didn’t go out of his way to touch her—that would have seemed too self-serving to him _and_ the last thing he wanted to do was scare her off—but he also wasn’t stupid. When the opportunity arose, he generally didn’t turn it down.

What a strange balancing act it had been! In some ways, it had been easier before she knew he could feel her. Since she’d taken his hand months ago on the rocky shore to give him his father’s badge, a cloud of expectation hung between.

When the dust settled, they tried the whole “What do we do about this?” conversation, which in retrospect had mostly been fueled by multiple shots of Jack Daniel, the ultimate truth serum. What were they to be to each other? Friends? Friends with benefits? Something more? What?

They didn’t settle anything that night, though they did discover how many shots of Jack it took for Audrey to get a hangover (five) and Nathan, who typically wasn’t a silver lining kind of guy, found some silver lining in his affliction. No hangover, though Audrey did give him the evil eye as she grappled with her own, much as she had after coming in from the cold.

After a minute of rubbing her right hand, he gave her left hand the same treatment. He was surprised to see her eyes flutter slightly and a sound escape from her lips that wasn’t quite a sigh but more than a normal breath.

Nathan wondered just how cold her lips were.

Not liking the direction his thoughts were taking him—or perhaps liking the direction too much—he forced himself to release her hand.

“We need to get you some gloves. Real ones, not those flimsy things,” he tilted his head in the direction of the gloves she had flopped down on her desk earlier in the day, the ones she had forgotten to take with her when she went to see Mrs. Nelson. “And a good winter coat. Can’t have you freezing to death.”

Nathan’s words jarred Audrey from her daze. His warm hands had felt heavenly—so much so, Audrey was halfway thinking she’d go out and freeze every time if that meant he would warm her hands up for her. 

Audrey had to bite back her protest when he broke contact with her and walked to his desk chair and yanked up his coat, which was draped on the back of the chair. He returned to her and placed the coat around her shoulders. 

“Sorry for being mean. I don’t hate you.”

“Better not, Parker.”

“It’s just—it’s not even Christmas yet, which means it is going to be a very, very long winter.”

Nathan nearly snorted. “Didn’t you come from Boston?" 

Audrey shrugged. “Technically. I was on the move so much, going wherever my cases took me. Last winter, I spent several weeks in southern Texas. Not exactly southern Florida weather, but it was nice.” Audrey pulled his jacket more tightly around her, breathing in Nathan’s scent. “I had my apartment for,” she mentally added up the timeline, “roughly seventeen months. I think most weeks I was only there only as average of a day or two.”

“You’ve stayed put here now for six months. So better or worse, Haven is home.”

“I’d say for worse, right now. I’m pretty sure winter up here is going to bite.”

“Doesn’t have to. We can go skiing, sledding, ice skating, ice fishing, play ice hockey…” With each addition to his list, Nathan could see Audrey pull his coat around herself even more tightly. He knew he shouldn’t tease her, but sometimes it was so easy to get a rise out of her and too difficult to resist. 

“What’s wrong, Nathan? Can’t come up with something we can do together that involves heat?” Audrey stopped, realized how her words could be construed, and searched Nathan’s face for a reaction. His eyes narrowed slightly, as though studying her for a reaction, as well. “Okay. So that wasn’t just me. Awkward. Let’s try that again.”

“You want to try awkwardness again?”

“Stop being difficult. Besides, unless the Troubles take a break for bad weather, I doubt we’ll have the chance to do much of anything fun.”

“Things have been quiet lately,” Nathan observed. “Just normal weird instead of Haven weird.”

“Makes me wonder if we’re heading for something big,” Audrey murmured.

“Hard to imagine there’d be anything bigger than what we’ve already dealt with,” Nathan replied. The showdown with the rev, the woman who had shown up claiming to be Audrey, trying to figure out Audrey’s origins…the last few months had been surreal, but they had come out on the other side of it, mostly intact, even if they didn’t have all the answers they wanted or needed.

“You know you aren’t supposed to say things like that. Anytime anyone says something like that, something bad always happens.”

“Nathan, hon. Here it is.” Laverne Mitchell entered the detectives’ open office, carrying a garment bag and wearing a big smile. The middle-aged woman rarely made it out of the dispatch room, and as such, Audrey was surprised to see her. Nathan, not so much.

“No kidding,” Nathan commented to Audrey, thinking that if he believed in fate, Laverne’s entrance had been on cue. Reluctantly taking the bag from the older woman, Nathan hung it on a hook on the wall and unzipped it. “I can’t believe I got roped into this.” 

Laverne laughed as she waved her hand dismissively. “You’ll be fine. You have a way with little ones. We just need to fatten you up a bit.”

Audrey looked from the gray haired woman to her partner. “Believe me, I’ve tried. This guy can eat anything, he has the metabolism of—” Audrey stopped abruptly as Nathan stepped aside and she spotted what was in the bag. “—Santa Claus?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Part Two**

Two days later, Audrey was decked out in newly purchased winter-weather gear, thanks to Nathan who, despite grousing about how he did not like shopping, turned out to be quite the expert and helped her pick out her best options. Leaving the store with her new parka and gloves on and heading down the recently shoveled sidewalk at Nathan’s side, Audrey had a new appreciation for how lovely Haven was. A fresh snow was falling from the night sky, and many of the stores were decorated with Christmas displays, the combination of the lights and snow creating a winter wonderland.

She liked Christmas, in theory. In practice, it had been one disappointment after another. Growing up as she did, she prayed for a Christmas miracle. A home. A family. A Hello Kitty stationery set and bag. It never really worked out for her.

Though, she acknowledged, this might be the first Christmas she would spend with someone. She and Nathan hadn’t really talked about it. For that matter, there were a lot of things they hadn’t really talked about though they chatted on about unimportant things—the Christmas pageant at the Methodist church, the Santa pancakes at Lorraine’s Diner, whether Duke would be reopening the Gull anytime soon after the series of kitchen fires. Spending Christmas together, it would be the _friendly_ thing to do. Nathan’s family was non-existent. Her family was non-existent. Why not enjoy each other’s company?

Relationships of any kind had never come easily to Audrey. It was just so much easier not to count on someone. But at some point, she’d come to count on Nathan. It began as professional respect. His keen mind, his eye for detail, his fearlessness—these were all things she admired. Plus, she could depend on him for a ride, a few laughs, and a different perspective. And when she thought her whole world was crashing around her, when she questioned her own existence, Nathan was the one who snapped her out of self-pity mode, the one who challenged her to dig deeper. 

But were they more than friends? Or was she just mistaking familiarity and comfort with something more?

She wasn’t good at this type of thing. And it wasn’t like she had someone to talk to about it, even if she could force herself to have a heart-to-heart, not when the one person she normally would talk to was at the center of all the uncertainty she felt. Wouldn’t that just make things weirder?

And what was she supposed to say? _“So, um, Nathan, I used extra moisturizer this morning. Want to come feel my skin?”_

Even thinking it sarcastically, she felt utterly ridiculous. This was her friend. Her _friend_. You don’t screw with friendship, literally or figuratively. Besides, Nathan had never given any indication he was interested. And for a guy who couldn’t feel anything but her, if he was interested, wouldn’t that give him extra incentive to…

Audrey pushed aside the thoughts. She was grateful for their friendship, and that was enough. Why muddy the waters?

“You’re quiet all of a sudden,” Nathan observed, slowing his gait as they neared the small lot where he had parked the Bronco off of Main Street.

“Just thinking.” Audrey slowed her steps to match his.

“Do I want to know?”

“Probably not.”

“As long as it doesn’t end up with me in the emergency room again.”

 “And let you get out of playing Santa? Not a chance. Besides, the last time you ended up in the ER, it was _not_ my fault.”

“Here we go,” Nathan grumbled. A few weeks prior, they had been tracking a man they suspected of turning his family into living ice sculptures. The man had been holed up in an abandoned warehouse near the wharf, and while the task of retrieving him from the warehouse held an element of danger, it reminded Nathan of good, old-fashioned footwork, just like it was any ordinary case, minus the weird icing people aspect. Unfortunately, the suspect wasn’t in the mood for a conversation, and he took off running. Nathan and Audrey gave chase, and eventually got their guy, though not without a few mishaps along the way. “It was just a fire escape.”

“Yeah, from, like twenty feet up. You’re not Spider Man, you know.”

Nathan wrinkled his nose. “Good thing. Don’t really care for spiders.”

Audrey shook her head. “You could’ve gotten killed.”

“Closer to ten feet and no harm done. Other than the stitches.”

“Yeah, well, I was pretty close to killing you myself,” Audrey responded wryly. “Just because you can’t feel pain, that doesn’t mean you’re indestructible.”

“You worry about me?”

Audrey thought she detected a hint of pleasure in his voice, which for Nathan who typically sounded indifferent, his version of sounding pleased was just slightly north of nonchalant. However, the amusement she saw in his eyes verified what her ears told her. “Don’t look so smug. I worry about a lot of things: Are we ever going to figure out the cause of the Troubles? Does the murder of the Colorado Kid have anything to do with what’s going on now? Is Nathan going to get himself killed being a hero? Did I leave the iron on?”

“You have an iron?”

Audrey groaned as she reached for the door handle of the Bronco, opened it, and hoisted herself in. Nathan walked around to the driver’s side.

As Nathan entered the vehicle, Audrey asked, “You don’t have a death wish, do you? ‘Cause I knew this agent once who…”

“Nope. No death wishes. Not going to be in the Darwin Awards*. You’re going to be stuck with me for a long time.”

“That would be okay with me,” Audrey replied, mirroring Nathan’s nonchalance. But inside, she felt anything but nonchalant. “So, speaking of being stuck with you, I got roped into helping with Christmas Eve at the hospital.” 

An actual chuckle escaped from him. “To think you gave me hell for not being able to tell Laverne no.”

“Yeah, about that, I’m starting to think there’s something strange about her. She has this way of making people do things they don’t want to do. I’m kind of thinking compulsion.” 

“You think she’s Troubled?” Nathan asked incredulously. “Laverne Mitchell?”

“Look, we’ve seen plenty of ordinary people who can do some pretty out-there things. Who’s to say Laverne isn’t one of them?”

“It’s called guilt. She used guilt on us. In particular, mom guilt. It’s aggravating as hell that it worked, and Laverne…she might be trouble…but I don’t think she’s _Troubled_.”

Audrey grimaced. “At this point, I’d halfway feel better if she was. Laverne is dangerous.”

To that, Nathan threw Audrey a lop-sided smile. “So are you going to be my elf?”

“And wear those pointy ears and green tights?” Audrey laughed. “No way. Even Laverne’s power of persuasion has limitations.”

“Too bad. I was looking forward to seeing you with pointy ears and green tights.”

“Dream on, Wuornos. Looks like you’re the only one who’ll be in costume. Scratchy beard. Pot belly.” Audrey tried to envision Nathan—trim, clean-shaven, handsome Nathan—as Santa Claus and failed miserably, which surprised her because she had always thought she had a vivid imagination. “You know, you never did tell me how you got roped into it.”

“My dad used to go to the children’s ward dressed up as Santa every year. Pass out presents." 

Audrey’s eyebrows rose.

“I know. Hard to believe, right? Garland Wuornos, gruff old bastard, but he was so good with those kids. Made them forget their illnesses.”

“He was a softie.”

“Could be. Though never with me.” Nathan fell quiet as he inserted the key into the ignition of the truck. The engine roared to life, and Nathan checked his mirrors as he backed out of the parking spot. 

From the light of the instrument panel, Audrey studied Nathan’s expression. It was guarded, she noticed. Typical of Nathan as he spoke of his father. Things hadn’t been good between the two men for years, and now any chance of repairing that relationship was gone.

Wanting to lighten the mood, Audrey commented, “You never did ask me what I’m going to be doing.”

“What are you going to be doing?” Nathan asked dutifully, pulling the truck onto the Main Street and driving past the path they’d taken by foot.

“Reading the Christmas story to the kids. The real one, not the one with Ralphie and the leg lamp and the tongue frozen to the post…”

“Those triple dog dares can be tough to resist.”

“Tell me about it.” She paused. “At the orphanage, Christmas was never about presents or Santa with the nuns. Believe me, there were times when I wish it had been. But we always gathered every year and heard the miraculous story of the Virgin Mary and Baby Jesus being born in a manger. And—I know this is going to sound cheesy—but in those moments, I didn’t feel alone anymore.” She looked out the window, watching the houses decorated with Christmas lights. 

“Audrey?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re not alo--”

A chirp, followed by the crackling of the walkie-talkie in the Bronco intruded on the moment. _“Nathan, hon?”_

Nathan reached out, grabbed the hand piece, and answered, “I’m here, Laverne.”

_“Audrey there with you?”_

“Yep.” 

_“Mrs. Nelson called the station again. Wants Audrey to come out. Says her neighbor is terrorizing her.”_

“Oh fun,” Audrey replied, an involuntary shudder passing through her as she remembered the last time she was at Mrs. Nelson’s house and stood in the cold for two hours. And all for what? So the old woman could complain that her neighbor was Santa Claus and planning to climb down her chimney?

“We’ll stop by and see her. Get her calmed down,” Nathan replied into the walkie. He returned the device to its cradle and turned the truck onto a side street, heading toward Mrs. Nelson’s house. “She must like you,” Nathan commented to Audrey.

“Can’t imagine why.” Audrey settled back into the bench seat. “I literally argued with her the whole time I was there. Politely, of course,” she added.

“Oh, of course,” Nathan replied sardonically.

“I don’t bulldoze over _everyone_ ,” Audrey defended, though she knew that sometimes her manner was brusque compared to some in Haven. Adjusting herself to life as a small town cop had definitely not been without its challenges. Even understanding how everything worked posed its difficulties. In a big city—and certainly in the Bureau—detectives would not be checking out a nuisance call. But Haven didn’t exactly operate like other places, even when problems weren’t Troubles-related.

* * *

A few minutes later, the two partners were pulling into Mrs. Nelson’s driveway. Mrs. Nelson had evidently been watching for them to arrive, as the curtain that covered the inside of the front door was pulled to one side and then dropped back into place as they got out of the blue truck.

Mrs. Nelson—a diminutive woman in her late-seventies—opened the front door and invited them in from the cold. Audrey shot Nathan a look as if to say, ‘Are you serious?’

After spending _hours_ in the cold a few days ago, Audrey wasn’t expecting such an invitation.

The partners walked into the cozy old house and found themselves in the living room, which boasted a large wood-burning fireplace. Audrey could immediately feel the heat from the fire on her cool cheeks and began to shed the extra layers of clothes—her gloves, her hat, her coat. Nathan couldn’t feel the heat, but from Audrey’s reaction knew that it was the appropriate thing to do, and followed suit.

“It was _so_ good of you to come on such short notice!” Mrs. Nelson chirped happily, sounding as though the visit was social in nature. “Would you care for some cookies and hot cocoa?”

Audrey responded, “Mrs. Nelson, we’re here because you called the police station with a complaint about your neighbor…”

Mrs. Nelson’s posture stooped with disappointment. “But surely you can…”

“We’d love some cookies and cocoa, Mrs. Nelson,” Nathan interjected.

Mrs. Nelson’s expression brightened. “You always were such a good boy, Nathan. I’ll just mosey over to the kitchen and be right back.”

Audrey sat on the floral-patterned sofa. “Guess _you’re_ a softie, too.”

Nathan shrugged. “Or else I just really like cookies and cocoa." 

But Audrey knew differently. Maybe that was why she and Nathan worked well together. For a man who couldn’t feel, he sure had empathy for others that in her abruptness, she sometimes lacked. 

“Here we are,” Mrs. Nelson announced as she came into the living room carrying a tray with mugs of cocoa, a small kettle, and a plate of cookies. “Sit, sit,” she told Nathan as she set the tray on a coffee table in front of the sofa. Settling onto a chair perpendicular to the sofa, she poured the thick, sweet liquid and handed a mug to each of them. 

Audrey sipped hers. “Warm,” she said. “And good.”

“Oh, I know better than to make it hot. Wouldn’t want to burn you.” Mrs. Nelson looked meaningfully at Nathan.

“This was kind of you, Mrs. Nelson,” Nathan replied after taking a sip from his cup.

“Well, it is the holidays. I always try to keep goodies in the house around this time of year. Never know when you’re going to have company,” the older lady prattled.

“Speaking of company,” Audrey pressed the woman for information, “our dispatcher said you were concerned about a neighbor…?”

But Mrs. Nelson ignored Audrey’s question, studying the younger woman instead, her eyes sweeping over her. “My eyesight isn’t quite what it used to be, but there is something about you. My dear, you _do_ remind me of someone I used to know.”

Audrey’s found herself leaning forward slightly on the sofa upon hearing this, her line of questioning about the offending neighbor temporarily forgotten. “Lucy Ripley?”

Mrs. Nelson considered Audrey’s question. “No, that wasn’t it. I don’t think. Her name was Millie. Millie….? Oh, the last name escapes me.” She chuckled softly. “My Ben fancied her, I think. Before we were married.” Mrs. Nelson paused, lost in memory.

Audrey and Nathan’s eyes met, and wordlessly, they seemed to be having the same thoughts. Could this be a clue to her past? Or was this just the musings of an old woman?

“You’d think I would remember more. Funny thing about getting old. But it was so long ago.” She stood and walked to the mantle of the fireplace, picking up a wedding photo. “We were married in 1949, if you can believe it. Married for more than fifty-five years before his passing.”

“I’m sorry for your loss, Mrs. Nelson,” Audrey murmured.

“To every season, there is a time. I used to say that all the time, and Ben would always add, ‘And it’s time for baseball season.’”

“Mrs. Nelson’s husband used to coach little league,” Nathan explained to Audrey.

“Yes, and you were a good little player. You and that Crocker boy both,” the older lady recalled picking up the plate of sugar cookies and offering some to the detectives. Nathan took a cookie from the plate, as did Audrey. “I imagine that this hasn’t been an easy holiday season for you, Nathan. I’m sorry I didn’t make it out to the services for your father. My condolences for your loss.”

“Thank you.” Nathan’s perfunctory response had been honed by months of similar conversations following his father’s unexpected death.

“It’s never easy to say goodbye to the ones we love. With Ben, I thought we had all the time in the world. He was my best friend, you know, but then one day…” her voice trailed off. “Oh dear me. I’m being a real Debbie Downer! I didn’t call you over here to stroll down my memory lane.”

Audrey looked to Nathan before continuing, “Perhaps you’d like to tell us what happened with your neighbor.”

“Ah, yes. The man is Santa Claus, I tell you.” With a little nod to her head, she added, “And he is stalking me.”

Audrey fought back a sigh. “Mrs. Nelson, we’ve already been through this. Santa Claus is a fictional character, based on numerous historical figures and popularized by Coca-Cola to sell soft drinks.”

“I saw him, Officer Parker. With my own eyes. He walked around my yard, scoping out my house. He was checking the chimneys, I swear it.”

“Mrs. Nelson, we will be happy to speak with him. What alias is he using?” Nathan responded. Audrey looked at him skeptically, but Nathan ignored her.

“He goes by Harry. Harry Nicholson. But I’m onto him.” The older woman tapped her temple. “I know who he is really is.”

 

* * *

 

A few minutes later, Nathan and Audrey were leaving Mrs. Nelson’s house.

“What do you make of all that?” Nathan asked.

“Where to begin?” Audrey replied. “One minute, she sounded coherent, and the next…”

“Agreed. I think she’s lonely.”

Audrey nodded. “And loopy.”

“Yep.” Nathan shoved his hands into the pocket of his coat and walked to the end of the driveway, hitting the sidewalk to head next door to Harry Nicholson’s house.

Audrey followed. “I just wonder how seriously we can take any of what she said.”

“You’re thinking about Millie.”

“She did say the woman looked like me. We know Lucy and I—“

“But she also said her eyesight wasn’t as good as it used to be.”

“True. But it’s worth looking into. And something I don’t get is what exactly she has against Santa Claus. I mean, we both know her neighbor isn’t Santa, but if he were, what’s the worst he would do? Leave her a fruitcake or something?”

“They _are_ pretty bad. Would be the equivalent of coal in a stocking,” Nathan replied with a half smile as they walked up the steps to the Nicholson house. After ringing the doorbell, the two waited for its occupant to open the door.

Audrey was thrown for a loop when she saw Harry Nicholson. She had thought Mrs. Nelson’s imagination was in overdrive, but Mr. Nicholson was the spitting image of a modern Santa Claus with a variation or two. He wore a red cardigan sweater trimmed with white. His rotund belly, rosy cheeks, bright eyes, and brilliant white beard completed his look.

With a bright smile, he greeted Audrey and Nathan. “Merrrrrry Christmas! What can I do for you tonight?” He sounded so jovial, Audrey thought the only thing missing was a _Ho! Ho! Ho!_ And then she wondered if she had stepped into a freaking twilight zone.

“I’m Detective Wuornos. This is Detective Parker. We’re following up on a report that you were trespassing on Nelda Nelson’s property.”

The man’s eyes widened as he rubbed his beard. “Oh me.”

 

* * *

 

“I still don’t believe it,” Audrey said with a sigh as the two rode back to the bed and breakfast for Nathan to drop her off. “I just think we would’ve seen it.”

“Obviously we didn’t,” Nathan replied gripping the steering wheel more tightly.

“I don’t miss things like a large box with a puppy inside. I like puppies. I don’t ignore them. And judging from your reaction to all things cute and cuddly, I don’t think you do, either. So could you please explain what happened?”

“Obviously, Mr. Nicholson is the real Santa Claus.”

“Haha. Very funny.”

“Don’t you mean hoho?” Nathan deadpanned.

Audrey groaned. “Promise me something, Nathan.”

“I would say anything, but there are some limitations.”

“No more cheesy humor. It just seems wrong coming from you somehow.”

Audrey should not have been surprised that Haven had turned up yet another mystery. What began as a routine drop in at Mr. Nicholson’s house to ask him to refrain from frightening Mrs. Nelson had turned into a full-blown ‘what-in-the-hell-just-happened’ moment.

The man had been extremely apologetic for frightening his neighbor and admitted to trespassing on her property. He did so for the right reasons, he claimed. Knowing that she was widowed and alone for Christmas, he wanted to leave a present that would brighten her holiday season. So he had left a puppy on her front porch in a box, rang the doorbell, and hurried away.

When Nathan responded that they had not seen any sign of the present either inside or outside of the house, Mr. Nicholson had been adamant that Audrey check again. And sure enough, when she walked back to Mrs. Nelson’s house, a box with a squirming little puppy was situated on the front porch. The puppy was burrowing itself deeper into the fleece blankets in the box, and Audrey simultaneously felt her heart melt over the absolute cuteness of the little critter and quicken over the fact that something very bizarre was going on.

After giving the puppy to Mrs. Nelson and returning to Mr. Nicholson’s house, the weirdness factor was reinforced by the look Nathan had on his face. To Audrey, he looked like the cat that swallowed the canary.

“No humor guarantees,” Nathan replied pulling up in the parking area outside the bed and breakfast where Audrey continued to rent a room.

“I want to know what Mr. Nicholson said when I walked back over to Mrs. Nelson’s house.”

“I’ll bet you do.” And from the tone of his voice, Audrey could tell he was enjoying knowing something that she didn’t.

“Oh, no, no. You don’t get to hold out on me, Nathan.”

But Nathan wouldn’t say anything about his conversation with Mr. Nicholson, raising his eyebrows instead before quickly lowering them. “Need help carrying in?”

“You jerk,” Audrey replied with a smile.

“That’s the thanks I get.” Nathan opened the door of the truck, slid out, and reached behind the seats for Audrey’s bags.

Audrey groaned loudly and exited the truck. Closing the short distance between the truck and her rented room, she unlocked the door to her room. She flipped on the lights, and Nathan followed behind her carrying packages from the shopping they had done earlier in the day.

“Where do you want these?” he asked as she peeled off her extra layers of winter clothing.

“In the corner with the others,” she replied pointing to the far corner of the room. Nathan started to walk across the room, but the sudden realization that she was sending him over to his bagged—but unwrapped—Christmas presents had Audrey squealing, “Oh crap! Stop!” and tugging at his arm.

Audrey’s uncharacteristically spastic reaction had Nathan full-out smiling. “What now?”

“Turn around, or close your eyes or something.”

“What am I not supposed to see?” Nathan asked turning around, bags still in hand. His gaze went down to the hand she still had clenched onto his arm, and Audrey thought she saw a flash of something in his eyes, something she couldn’t quite interpret.

“Sorry.” She released her grip on him and suddenly became aware of just how close they were standing to one another. Audrey’s mouth felt dry as she found herself staring at the piercing blueness of his eyes, the straight line of his nose, the tiny scar near his hairline (what happened and why had she never noticed it before?), his cleft chin, the curve of his lips.

She took a step back, steadying herself internally. What was wrong with her? Ogling Nathan of all people? Yes, he was handsome. Any woman could see that. But just because he was attractive—okay, hot—didn’t mean that she should turn to a pile of fangirl mush. Besides, attraction was fleeting, though she did have to admit that it would be easier on her at that moment if Nathan did resemble, say, Santa Claus.

“Stay. And don’t turn around.”

She grabbed a blanket off her bed and scampered to the corner of the room with the presents, draping the cover over the bags. Satisfied that he wasn’t going to be able to discern the contents, she announced, “Okay, it’s safe.”

Nathan turned around. “From the looks of that pile, I’m guessing you weren’t covering lingerie.” He brought the packages closer to her and handed them over as she positioned them on the floor. “So what do you have?”

Remembering his refusal to tell her what Mr. Nicholson said in her absence, Audrey reveled a refusal of her own. “Guess you’ll just have to wait and see.”

“Presents for me?”

“A few, but not just you. Contrary to what everyone seems to think, I do have other friends besides you.”

“How about a sneak peek?” With a look of mischief, he advanced as though to uncover the hidden packages.

She pressed her hands against his chest, stopping him. “How about you wait until Christmas like a good Nathan?”

She waited for his retort, but none came. All the playfulness she had seen in him a moment ago was gone, replaced by solemnity. His jaw clenched slightly as he squeezed his eyes shut a moment before opening them again. “Audrey…” His voice came out gravelly.

Audrey’s own smile fell. What had just happened? “If you want to see your presents that badly…,” she joked weakly. “Nathan, what is it?”

Nathan said nothing, instead looking down at her hands. Realizing she was again touching him, she jerked them away, as though she had come in contact with fire.    

What was she thinking? She normally wasn’t touchy-feely, which worked out great because Nathan didn’t exactly send personalized invitations for people to touch him. So why did she feel the absence of his warmth against her hands so acutely? And was she really so oblivious to his discomfort at her touches that she prolonged the contact? Great. Just great. 

Swallowing hard, Audrey crossed her arms. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

He shook his head, his words sounding bitter as he spoke. “Don’t. Please don’t apologize for touching me.”

Audrey felt panic rise within her, a panic reminiscent of how she felt after Nathan blamed her for not helping the Chief keep it together. He had pushed her away then, but now he wasn’t just pushing her away. He was pulling away, erecting a wall between them with his movements, his very pained expression. She tried to mask the near desperation she felt, but figured she must have been doing a shoddy job at it. “I kind of need to.”

“No. You don’t,” he asserted. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Audrey. I just—.” He clenched his fists, still carrying the ghosts of her contact. “Sometimes when you touch me, I feel like I’m riding this wave of sensations, and everything is heightened. It’s overwhelming. In a good way. And it scares the hell out of me.”

Audrey had to force herself from going agape. It was bad enough that she hadn’t realized for several weeks that Nathan could feel her, but how could she go months and not realize that when she touched him—even unintentionally—it had a profound effect on him? In the absence of stimuli, when a stimulant is introduced, of course it intensifies. “Why haven’t you said anything?”

Nathan cleared his throat. “This isn’t really a conversation I ever planned on us having. I never wanted to put you in a position where you would feel obligated to…or think that I expected you to…” his voice trailed off. “Dammit.”

“Wow.” Months ago, they had joked around about becoming friends with benefits. Nothing had ever come from it, though Audrey did have an erotic dream or two about the possibility. But to know now that she wasn’t alone in her attraction, that Nathan had thought about it, too, was a heady realization.

“I should go.”

“No, you shouldn’t.” Hesitantly, she reached out and took his hand in hers, lightly caressing his long, slender fingers. “Earlier tonight, I think you were trying to tell me that I’m not alone.”

He nodded slightly.

“But here’s the thing. Neither are you.” With her other hand, she touched his cheek, feeling the subtle hint of stubble and the warmth of him. He leaned into her touch, a sigh escaping from his lips.

Tears stung her eyes. Strange. She wasn’t a crier in general, but suddenly she had the urge to do so. This man—this beautiful person inside and out—had been cut off from everyone and everything. Not able to feel his own skin, not able to feel others around him. He’d been ostracized at times, scrutinized always, and in a self-imposed exile.

And he’d tried to keep it all under wraps. She’d had no idea—no idea at all—how difficult it had been for him to be near her. He’d kept his distance, not because he’d wanted to, but because he valued her. Because he respected her. Because he didn’t want to put her in a bad position. Because their friendship was worth more to him than physical pleasure. Life didn’t come with guarantees. She knew that more than anyone, but some things were worth taking a chance on. Nathan was worth it.

Emboldened by her realization, she traced his jaw line with her lips as she ran her fingers along the nape of his neck, reaching up and lightly tugging his hair.

His eyes fluttered at her touch. “Audrey…” He freed his hand from hers and pulled her against him, both hands on the curve of her hips, their bodies pressed tightly together.

She gasped slightly, reveling in the feel of his lean, muscled body against hers. He wanted her; she could feel the evidence. A part of her wanted to speed things along, to drag him to the bed that was only a few feet away. But they would do this at his pace, however quickly or slowly that may be.

Tentatively, shyly, his hands found their way to the hem of her shirt, tugging gently upward until he could run them under the fabric and feel her bare flesh. With his fingertips, he traced the small of her back, sending shivers of delight through her body.

“You’re not alone, Nathan,” she repeated, murmuring against the crook of his neck. She lifted her chin, looking up at him, seeking his eyes, gently pleading, “Stay with me.”

 


	3. Part Three

**Part Three:**

The blaring of the alarm at 6:01 a.m. jolted Audrey awake. Instinctively, she swatted at the offending sound, trying to make it cease. After the first attempt went wide of its mark, she was successful. Her blinds were closed and she saw no light, not even a hint of day, shine around the edges. Of course. December. The days were short, the nights long. It would be cold out, and she was so warm right where she was.

With the alarm turned off, she settled back into the covers and smiled as she felt the stubble from Nathan’s cheek brush against her shoulder as he hooked his arm around her waist, pulling her against him more tightly.

This was her haven.

Audrey had never been much of a snuggler. It was too confining, both literally and figuratively. Truth be told, she’d never been with anyone that she wanted to snuggle with after all the fireworks were done. What was the point?

And then there was the emotional component of snuggling. Needing. Being needed. It was messy. She’d never craved that.

_Until now._

Twenty-four hours ago, she never would have thought she’d be waking up in his arms, but things could change so quickly. When she had asked Nathan to stay with her the night before, she had been afraid he wouldn’t. But when he nodded slowly and then kissed her with such fervor he literally took her breath away, she knew that it would not be casual for him, just as it wasn’t casual for her. 

Eyes still closed, Nathan murmured in her ear, “I think you should stay right here with me all day.”

Without a doubt, Audrey wanted that, too. The night before had been beyond incredible, and she wished she could slow time to prolong those precious moments for as long as possible. It just felt like a culmination of perfection. She had occasionally wondered what kind of lover he would be. Nathan, with his quiet intensity, wry humor, and aloofness, had seemed so unattainable that she had felt foolish for the errant thoughts that had sometimes entered her mind. Now she didn’t have to rely on her imagination. Every touch, every stroke seemed special and unique and just _electrified_ her. She hadn’t been able to get enough of him. And it wasn’t just the lovemaking. It was the way they talked as they held each other, and laughed, and shared, and …

She fought back a contented sigh. It was official. She, Audrey Parker, had turned into a blithering sap.

So how did she reconcile the part of her that wanted to stay curled up with Nathan with the part of her that knew she had a job to do, the part of her that knew that outside her door, the Troubles awaited them? Being responsible really sucked sometimes, she decided.

With reluctance, she reached over to the small nightstand and turned on the lamp, to which Nathan protested with a groan. Bleary eyed, she rolled over on her side to face him. Even with mussed hair and squinting eyes, Audrey thought he was the most spectacular sight. He looked more relaxed, more at peace, than she had ever seen him. “Can’t. My partner’s picking me up for work in a few minutes.” She reached out resting her hand on his thigh, eliciting a languid smile from him.

“Oh yeah? What’s he like?”

She stifled a yawn. “He’s a little like you. Smart. Pretty cute. Scowls more than you, though. Oh, and he has a great ass.”

“You’ve been checking out your partner’s ass?” he teased, the corners of his mouth quirking.

“I…notice things,” she hedged.

He looked at her intently. “Smart guy like that, I’d say he noticed you, too, even if he didn’t say anything.”

“Hmmm. When do you suppose that was?”

“My guess would be when you were cocooned in your blanket.” Nathan looked at the tousled blankets on the bed. “Making sure they don’t activate upon mention." 

“Oh, so my partner thought I was one sexy cocoon, huh?” Audrey laughed.

“He’d probably say it was more when he cut you out of the cocoon…”

Audrey’s mouth gaped. “You told me you didn’t see anything!” she scolded, smacking his arm, their pretense dropped.

Nuzzling her neck and splaying his fingers across her bare abdomen, he chuckled, “Wouldn’t say it matters all that much anymore.”

“I suppose not,” Audrey replied running her fingertips across his shoulder blade. “Now that it’s morning and we’re almost in the light of day, are you okay with what happened?”

Nathan’s hint of a smile turned into a full-out grin. “Um…yeah. I think you could say that. More than okay, actually.” He propped up on his elbow, looking down at Audrey. “Any regrets?”

She smiled back. “The only thing I regret is that we didn’t do this sooner. Seriously, what took us so freaking long?”

Audrey could’ve rattled off a multitude of reasons that they hadn’t taken this particular plunge yet, but in retrospect, they seemed so silly. Being with Nathan, this was real. This was right. And yes, it complicated things for them at work, but everything suddenly looked more vivid to her.

“I couldn’t risk losing you.” His voice was low and husky. “If I’d scared you off or…”

“I was afraid of losing you, too. You are my best friend, Nathan. But now, there’s so much more I want to explore with you.”

“Wish we could stay like this forever.”

“Me, too. But we can’t.” She turned her head to look at the alarm clock, checking the time. “I’m thinking that I can get ready pretty fast when I have to.”

“And if we shower together, that would save some time.”

“Leaving enough time now for—“

But she didn’t have the opportunity to finish her sentence, for Nathan’s mouth was already urgently against hers. And within a few seconds, she couldn’t have formed a coherent thought even if she’d wanted to.

* * *

 

 “You seem…happy…today.” Duke Crocker stood in the doorway of the office Nathan and Audrey shared, his tone slightly disdainful. “No one should be that happy doing paperwork.”

Audrey looked up at tall man, and realized she did, indeed, have a smile on her face. “You watching me?”

Duke held up his thumb and forefinger. “Just a little.”

“I’m in a good mood,” Audrey shrugged. “What? Would you rather I be miserable?”

Duke considered the question, looking at her sideways as he strode further into the office. “Depends. Strange how you and Nathan both are,” Duke cleared his throat for effect, “happy. I saw him leaving the building _whistling_.” Duke leaned against her desk. “I’ve known him since we were five years old, and Nathan Wuornos doesn’t whistle.”

So much for keeping a lid on things.

_No,_ Audrey corrected herself. _Duke doesn’t know anything_. _But we are going to have to be more careful._

And to think they’d both _thought_ they were being so discreet. When she and Nathan had walked into the police station (barely) on time, they kept their normal distance from one another. No arms draped over each other, no slobbering kisses or googly eyes. They would be professional at the office. Professional on duty. Compartmentalize. Besides, with everything being so new, they weren’t quite ready to publicly share the new developments in their relationship with anyone else just yet.

And other than a couple of smiles they had exchanged while working on paperwork that morning or the way Nathan’s fingers brushed against hers while passing her a cup of hot coffee, they had been very much on task.

When lunchtime neared and Nathan told her he had some errands to run without her, she’d been a little disappointed until he mentioned it was related to Christmas. That softened the disappointment. So did hearing from Duke that Nathan had been happy. Though she didn’t particularly care for the suspicion in Duke’s voice, she was glad to know she wasn’t the only sap.

“’Tis the season. Can I help you with something Duke?”

“Two things, actually. Business and pleasure, I guess you could say.” His gazed traveled around the office. “What in the…?”

Audrey crooked her neck to see what Duke was referring to. His eyes were focused on a garment hanging on a hook on the wall. The Santa suit. “Right. It’s Nathan’s.”

“That was going to be my first guess, but then I thought, ‘Nathan? Seriously?’ The guy who wouldn’t know jolly if it fell from the sky and hit him? Of course, then he wouldn’t feel it, but… _Nathan_?”

“I suppose you would make a better Santa?” Audrey’s challenge hung in the air.

Duke grimaced. “I’m thinking there’s a prerequisite for liking kids in there.”

The look of horror on Duke’s face at the prospect of playing Santa had Audrey chuckling. “So you needed something?”

“Your help and your company.”

“For?”

“Assistance and camaraderie. What else?”

Audrey smiled and lowered her head, her expression mirroring her words. “Come on, Duke. Cut to the chase.”

“I think I liked you better when you weren’t so…happy. The fire marshal is dragging his feet giving the go-ahead for the reopening of the Gull until we know what’s been causing the fires.”

Audrey tapped her pen on the desk. “Wouldn’t the fire inspector be the person to talk to?”

“There’s fire and then there’s _fire_.”

“So you’re thinking something beyond the run-of-the-mill accidents or arson.”

“It hasn’t crossed your mind?”

“Frankly, I’ve been a little busy.”

“Right. Doing paperwork and being all happy. I thought you hated paperwork. You and Nate both.”

“Well, paperwork beats some things,” she replied pointedly. “So you want me to dig around?”  
  
“Yes.” 

“When Nathan gets back from lunch, we’ll head over to the Gull.” 

“Yeah, about that. Here’s where the camaraderie part comes in. I thought maybe we—meaning you and I—could investigate together. Maybe it’ll be…fun.”

“Nathan is my partner.”

“True. But he kind of hates my guts. Not sure I want him too close.”

“Nathan doesn’t hate you,” Audrey corrected him, silently wishing she knew what the origin of their feud was. “He just doesn’t like you.” Audrey leaned back in her chair. “Out of curiosity, are you using this fire thing as an opportunity to hit on me?”

“I don’t really need an opportunity, do I? You know you have a standing invitation, right?”

“And somehow, it feels so skeazy.”

“Now you’re just being mean. Actually, I’d rather not have Nathan digging around my place too much.”

Audrey nearly chortled. “Oh, so you think _I’d_ look the other way?”

“You have so far,” he pointed out.

“Only because you’ve proven useful on occasion.”

Duke opened his mouth to say something before reconsidering and closing it again. Taking a deep breath, he finally said with a big smile, “You have no idea how much I respect you, Officer Parker. I could’ve really laid it on thick with how useful I can be. Come have lunch with me. I promise not to seduce you—or mention seduction—unless you really want me to.”

“I think I’ll pass.”

“Because wifey won’t like it?”

“Because _Nathan,_ ” she smiled, “is bringing me back some chowder.”

“There it is. That smile again,” Duke pointed. “Stop it.”

“What?”

“You smiled when you said his name.” Duke’s eyes widened and he jumped up from the desk. “Oh crap! You’re happy. He’s happy. And it sure as hell isn’t paperwork that’s got you happy. You’re sleeping together.”

* * *

“Remind me to play poker with you sometime.” Nathan shifted in the corner booth at Lorraine’s Diner, propping his elbow along the top of the booth. Next to him sat Audrey, maintaining some distance between them, but still closer than they normally positioned themselves in what had become their favorite destination for pancakes and all other short order, grease-laden delicacies.

“I’m sorry, Nathan.” Audrey absently chewed at her bottom lip as she pushed the salt shaker back and forth on the table.

“Don’t be.”

She sighed, pushing aside the salt dispenser and willing herself to be still. “You’d think I’d be a better bluffer. It’s just that when Duke said that, I had no comeback. Absolutely none." 

“Wish I could’ve seen it.” 

“What? Me speechless or Duke’s reaction?”

“Both,” Nathan admitted. “But in particular, Duke’s reaction.”

She elbowed him gently. “That’s not very nice.”

“Maybe not.” 

Audrey studied Nathan. The hint of a smile on his face, along with the flatness of his tone, indicated that Nathan wasn’t likely to be too bothered over Duke’s hurt feelings or disappointment. But _she_ did feel a twinge of something. Not regret, for she couldn’t picture herself ever regretting being with Nathan, but she wished she could have found a better way to let Duke down. In all the time they’d verbally sparred and sometimes flirted, she never realized that Duke really did care for her as more than just a conquest. “You like that you’ve one-upped Duke.”

“True.” Nathan wasn’t about to deny it. Audrey knew him too well for him to lie about that. “But what I like best is being here with you. In the open.” Extending his arm that rested along the back of the booth, he gently stroked the side of her shoulder, and Audrey found herself turning to mush, partly annoyed with herself and partly intrigued that a simple touch from Nathan could affect her so much. Their eyes met, and they shared a smile, along with the promise of more. “I’m glad you didn’t lie about us. Course, half the town already thought we were together anyway.” 

Still smiling, Audrey was taken aback. “Really?”

“All the time we spend together. Late nights. A man and a woman. Unattached. It’s a small town. People talk.”

“Wonder what they said a few months ago when I was yours and Jess’s biggest cheerleader.”

Nathan grimaced, and Audrey rubbed her forehead wishing she hadn’t mentioned Jess Minion.

“You ever wonder why that was?”

Audrey paused. In retrospect, the whole thing felt awkward to her, the way she had encouraged Nathan to date Jess, and her open-mouth-insert-foot comments when it was all unfolding. Setting up their first date. Telling Nathan to marry her because she brought them Chinese food. Mentioning his fawning over babies. “She was pretty. And she was interested in you. And you were intrigued by her. I just thought maybe she’d make you happy.”

“I did like her,” Nathan admitted. “But looking back, I was forcing it. Trying to make something fit that didn’t.” Nathan reached for Audrey’s hand, his fingers intertwining with hers. “I never could feel her. And we tried.”

With raised eyebrows and a smile, Audrey replied, “But I got the impression that I interrupted something big.”

“It’s amazing what you can do—or almost do—with an imagination.”

“You mean being able to make ‘it’ happen.” Audrey watched as Nathan’s ears turned pink, followed by his cheeks. “Nathan Wuornos, are you blushing? After everything we’ve—”

Nathan ignored her teasing. “Wonder where those pancakes are.”

Audrey shook her head, letting the question drop. “You’re the only person I know who could eat them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner." 

“They’re good.” Nathan defended. After a moment collecting his thoughts, he returned to their previous topic. “When you called that night from the station, Jess didn’t want me to answer it.”

Audrey frowned. She remembered all too well being holed up in the police station with Dave and Vince Teague while trying to avoid the Shadow Man. “I’m glad you did. I totally didn’t want to be skewered.”

“Couldn’t ignore you. And Jess said something that I didn’t really think about at the time, but now it means more. She said, ‘It’s Audrey. It’s always Audrey.’”

“Well, with that crazy busy social calendar of yours, who could tell, right?” she ribbed him.

Her teasing was lost on him as he focused on her intently. “Jess knew before I did, and she wasn’t talking about the phone call. She was talking about the fact that you would come first in my life. Always.”

Audrey was stunned to silence, which admittedly was a rarity for her. Nathan, who had spent years not being able to physically feel, who had distanced himself from emotional attachments, had the capacity to feel more than anyone she’d ever known. And he felt those things for _her_.

She wasn’t good at the emotional stuff. What did she have to relate to? But she literally felt her heart swelling within her chest.   She’d always thought it was an expression, a figure of speech devised by fools drunk on emotion, but now…now she understood.

“Nathan—”

“Here’s your pancakes, Nathan. Santa style.” Heidi Romaine slid a platter onto the table in front of Nathan. The waitress flashed him a brilliant smile before turning to Audrey, her expression still friendly but lacking the same enthusiasm. “And your grilled cheese and fries, Audrey.”

“Thanks, Heidi,” Nathan replied.

“I’ll be back to check on you in a few minutes,” Heidi replied with a smile, her gaze lingering on Nathan a moment longer than necessary.

Once she was out of earshot, Audrey remarked, “Wow. She was totally eyeing you." 

“She does that with all the male customers,” Nathan replied reaching for one of her crinkle-cut fries. “Better tips that way.”

“You think if I flirted with males suspects, I’d get more information?”

“I think if you flirted with male suspects, you’d convince them to admit to crimes they didn’t even commit.”

Audrey felt her face grow warm.

“You blushing, Parker?” Nathan asked taking another fry from her plate and enjoying the fact that she was in the hot seat.

Audrey pretended to not hear his question. “Fries go with pancakes?” She looked leery as Nathan took a bite. “That’s an interesting combination.” She glanced down at the pancakes, decorated with whipped cream, blueberries, and strawberries, giving them a definite resemblance to Santa Claus.

“Pancakes go with everything.”


	4. Part Four

**Part Four:**

Audrey was hand-sweating, heart-pounding, butterflies-in-stomach nervous.

_Weird._  

She could rush head long into danger, but the thought of walking into the hospital commons room full of children scared the crap out of her. 

_Don’t let me screw this up._

The room was decorated with lights, a large, artificial Christmas tree, ribbons, and bows, giving the otherwise institutional looking place more of a homey feel. A table of healthy, hospital approved holiday treats was situated in one corner of the room, and “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” could be heard playing in the background amidst chatter and laughter. They were making the best of it. Still, she couldn’t help but be affected by the fact that these children were spending their Christmas in a hospital, when they should have been at home trying to find their Christmas presents and eating too many sweets.

Before she had even neared the commons room, Laverne had pulled her aside and told her what to expect. Some of the children were cancer patients, others had failing organs, others had less severe disorders or simply were recovering from accidents. Some would be home next Christmas. Some would be gone.

_“Audrey, I’m telling you this ‘cause I know you can take it.”_

_Audrey met the older woman’s eyes. “You mean because I’m not warm and fuzzy.”_

_“Just ‘cause you aren’t warm and fuzzy doesn’t mean you don’t feel things deeply. Some of what you see is going to make you sad, but you can’t let them see that. Santa can deliver presents, but you can deliver them hope.”_

_Translation: Don’t screw this up._

_Audrey nodded, clutching the worn-leather Bible she’d received from the sisters upon her confirmation. When she was younger, she would pour over the pages. It had been ages since she had even opened the thin paper pages, but she remembered the story of the birth of Christ, the real Christmas story, nearly word for word._

_“And Audrey,” Laverne continued, looking at her with empathy for she seemed to detect Audrey’s nervousness. “You look really pretty tonight.”_

_Audrey looked down at the red wrap dress she wore. “Festive,” was the pronouncement the Teague brothers gave her when she implored them to assist her and they’d recommended this dress. But it was a bit of a departure for her, enough to make her feel self-conscious as though she was wearing a costume, just like Nathan, only her costume didn’t disguise her at all._

_“Thank you,” Audrey replied despite her own misgivings._

Audrey rubbed her hands on her dress, then frowned because that definitely wasn’t the ladylike thing to do, and she wanted to do this right. Nathan wouldn’t be there until later, making his grand entrance as Santa Claus. Audrey still hadn’t seen him in full Santa regalia, so she was eager to see the transformation. For that matter, she was just eager to see him. They’d only seem glimpses of each other that day, a rarity for them, and while she wouldn’t go so far as to say she had separation anxiety from him because in her estimation that would have been totally lame, she had definitely become accustomed to working with him and bouncing ideas off him. Oh, and checking out his cute tush. 

Opening the glass paned door and entering the room, she saw that one of the orderlies had set up an area with a larger chair for her and smaller chairs for the children.

“You must be Audrey,” a plump woman with short blond hair and dressed in scrubs said as she approached Audrey.

“Guilty as charged.”

“I’m Sarah Mason. Thank you for coming here tonight. It means so much that you’d sacrifice your time with your family.”

“It’s no sacrifice,” Audrey assured her, though she didn’t go on to explain that she didn’t really have a family. “So just tell me what I can do to help get things ready.”

“There’s not really anything to do right now. We’re going to let the kids and their parents mingle for a few more minutes. Santa is supposed to be here at 7:15 to deliver presents, so we thought we’d get the kids rounded up in time for the Christmas story at 7:00.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Audrey replied. Her eyes traveled around the room really studying the children for the first time. They were cute, but she admittedly wasn’t really a kid person. It wasn’t a matter of disliking children; it stemmed more from having not really been around them. Even when she was a kid herself, she’d always felt awkward at school, never really belonging anywhere.

Then there was Nathan who could talk to them so easily and always seemed to know the right thing to say. Maybe if they had children of their own one day, he would teach her a thing or two and help her not to be an epic failure.

_Whoa. Where had that thought come from?_ It was a little soon in their relationship for her to start imagining a family with Nathan. What quicker way to scare a guy off than to start planning things like marriage and babies? Besides, Audrey had never really considered herself marriage material. But she had to admit that the notion of someday marrying Nathan definitely didn’t suck.

Audrey exchanged a few pleasantries with some of the parents there who seemed to cluster together. Many of the younger children played together, while the older ones were talking, but there was one child, a pallid girl of seven or eight wearing a scarf on her head, who sat in the corner of the room away from the others. The girl watched the festivities with what, at first glance, looked like a vacant expression. But Audrey caught the quiver of her the little girl’s chin and knew something was wrong.

Audrey glanced around the room hoping that a nurse or orderly would take notice of the girl, but everyone seemed intent in his or her own conversations or activities.

_Don’t let me screw this up._  

Taking a deep breath, Audrey walked toward the child. “Mind if I sit over here with you?” 

The little girl shrugged.

Audrey slid onto a metal chair next to the girl. “My name’s Audrey. What’s yours?”

“Reagan.”

“Nice to meet you, Reagan. So what has you over here in the corner rather than out there playing games?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Maybe not, but I might. Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

The little girl hesitated but with slumped shoulders finally said, “I miss my momma.”

Audrey swallowed hard. What could she say to that? How many times on Christmas had she felt the same way? She didn’t have a solution back then, and she didn’t have a solution for Reagan now. “She has to work more ‘cause I got sick.”

“So she’s working tonight?”

The little girl nodded. “She promised she’d be here, but she called this afternoon and told me she had to waitress.”

“I’m sorry. That really su—,” Audrey caught herself, “stinks. I’m sure she’d much rather be here with you.”  

“I know, but everyone else’s mom’s here.”

“Well, maybe you and I can team up for tonight. I don’t know anyone here except you, and I could use someone to show me the ropes, like how to play the games and which foods taste the best." 

Reagan seemed to consider Audrey’s suggestion. “But who’s gonna leave cookies for Santa? And how’s he going to find me if my mom isn’t here to leave cookies for him?”

“Can you keep a big secret?” Audrey asked, her voice lowering.

Reagan nodded.

“Are you absolutely positive? Because this is a _big_ one.”

“I’m sure.”

“Santa is coming for a visit here tonight,” Audrey whispered. “Before he makes all his other deliveries.”

“Nuh uh.”

“Uh huh. Santa and I—we’re like this.” Audrey held up her hand crossing her middle finger over her forefinger. “Big buds. He promised me he’d be here tonight with presents.”

Reagan’s face lit up. “That’s awesome! So I guess you’ve known Santa for a _really_ long time since you’re so old.”

Audrey laughed. _From the mouth of babes_. “Not _that_ long. So what are you hoping Santa will bring you this year?”

“I’m gonna ask him to bring my mom here.” 

Crap. How was Nathan going to pull that one off?

“Anything else?” Audrey asked expectantly. Surely this little girl wanted something else. Didn’t every kid have a list a mile long? 

“Nope, that’s all.”

“What about you?” Reagan asked.

“I don’t think Santa is bringing me anything this year,” Audrey replied with a smile. “I’m too old.”

Reagan looked at her with horror. “I don’t want to grow up. Ever.”

“It’s not so bad.”

“What was your favorite thing Santa brought you when you were little?”

“Well,” Audrey paused. How could she explain that from an early age, the nuns were honest about Santa Claus being a fictitious character and that children’s parents were the ones who perpetuated the fantasy? Of course, with her not having any parents, there never was a gift from Santa. And my how she had wanted gifts from Santa! Even something small like that Hello Kitty stationery set and bag would have made her ten-year-old life complete back in the day. “There were so many things, I can’t name just one.”

“You must’ve been _really_ good.”

“Audrey?”

Audrey and Reagan looked up at Sarah Mason.

“It’s time for the story.”

“Right,” Audrey responded, suddenly feeling her nervousness return. She turned back to Reagan. “I’m supposed to read the Christmas story to the group. Think you might want to help me?”

 

* * *

 

Laverne and Nathan stood in the hallway outside the commons room of the hospital, and Nathan peered through the tall, narrow rectangular window of the wood door. From his vantage point, he could see Audrey sitting in a chair with a little girl on her lap, surrounded by children.

She looked stunning. The contrast of the red of her dress against her creamy complexion and blond hair had him wowed. But it was seeing her with kids that had his mouth going dry. He was actually looking forward to playing Santa for the kids. He knew Audrey, on the other hand, had been scared to death, though she’d tried to play cool. Seeing her now, so at ease, so animated, made him wonder if some day…

Laverne pulled him back, the momentary sense of near-vertigo kicking in. He couldn’t feel Laverne’s touch but recognized the motion. “Careful, Santa, hon. We don’t want the kids to see you just yet.”

“Their backs are to the door,” Nathan protested mildly, but what it amounted to is that he wanted to watch Audrey.

“She’s doing good,” Laverne assured him, giving him a knowing look. “She might’ve been nervous at first, but I’d say she’s a natural, even if she doesn’t know it. That little girl in her lap, Reagan, has been sulking all day. Audrey’s got her smiling again.”

A smile quirked under the fake white beard Nathan wore. “Not doing a very good job of hiding it, am I?”

“You can’t hide love. It has a way of shining.” Laverne crossed her arms and chuckled. “When you’ve got what the two of you have, you shouldn’t keep it hidden.”

“It’s early still. We haven’t even mentioned love to each other.”

“But you know, don’t you? Just like she knows.”

Nathan closed his eyes. He did know.

The last few days had been a whirlwind, a whirlwind of sensation, touches, laughter, and churning emotions built on a solid foundation of trust and friendship. Everything was more vivid when he was with Audrey; he felt more alive, finally connected to someone, no longer adrift. Touching her, being touched by her— there was the tangible pleasure, and then there was the intangible. The warmth he felt, not from her body pressed against his, but from the words she whispered in his ear that made him hope, that made him believe what was happening between them was only the beginning.

Yep, he definitely knew.

“She’s…special,” Nathan uttered, his words coming out with a hint of breathlessness.

“Just be sure you tell her that.” Laverne pointed at him. “And there’s nothing wrong with the L word.”

“Right.”

Laverne looked through the window. “All right. It’s almost time to go in. Before you do, look out for little hands tugging on your beard. Garland used to have that problem. Had to come up with an elaborate story one time about his elf shaving his beard as a practical joke. Make sure your hat’s straight. And for God’s sake, don’t forget to be jolly.”

“I can be jolly.”

But the nonchalance in Nathan’s voice left Laverne unconvinced, and the look she shot him made that perfectly clear. “This’ll be good.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Ho! Ho! Ho!” Nathan’s hearty tone as he entered the commons room carrying a red sack of presents had the children of the room squealing with delight.

“Santa’s here!”

“No way!”

“Awesome!” 

Audrey laughed, partly from the excitement she was seeing in the kids, and partly from the fun of seeing the transformation Nathan had undergone. How he’d managed to go from a rocking hard body to looking like he had a bowl full of jelly around his mid-section had Audrey thinking a pillow. She looked forward to testing her hypothesis later. The white trimmed red hat and suit he wore, along with a long white beard and glasses definitely made him believable. But when their eyes met briefly, Audrey could see _her_ Nathan looking back at her.

“Merry Christmas, boys and girls!”

Sitting back in her chair, watching the flurry of activity unfold, Audrey couldn’t keep the smile off her face as the children gathered around Nathan, one little boy actually clinging to Nathan’s leg.

“Where are your reindeer?” one little boy asked.

“Ho! Ho! Ho! I left them parked on the roof. With the sleigh, they couldn’t fit through the door, but I did bring some presents with me.”

“Presents!”

Audrey felt Reagan link her small arm around Audrey’s and lean against her shoulder. “My momma doesn’t fit in Santa’s bag,” she stated matter-of-factly.

With her free arm, Audrey reached around and rubbed Reagan’s shoulder. Poor little thing. Her sadness was such a contrast to the joy around them as the other children tore into their presents. Repeatedly, Audrey heard youngsters exclaim that the present Santa brought was just what they wanted.

“I know your mom would be here if she could. She’s a lucky mom to have such a sweet daughter.”

“Reagan.”

Audrey and Reagan looked up. ‘Santa’ stood before them.

“Yes, Santa?” Reagan asked, her voice tiny.

“I’ve got a present for you, too.”

“Santa,” the little girl began, “if I promise to be really good and leave you some extra cookies, can I make a trade?”

Nathan laughed heartily. “Ho! Ho! Don’t you want to see what your present is first? I picked it out especially for you.”

Audrey nodded at Reagan, trying to encourage the little girl. “Okay.”

Nathan reached out and took Reagan’s hand, leading her toward the door leading out to the hallway. Audrey followed. The three went out into the empty hallway, and Audrey was confused, as was Reagan. 

“But where’s…?” Reagan asked. However, she was unable to finish her thought, for at that moment, a woman in her early thirties rounded the corner carrying a bag. “Momma!”

The woman rushed toward the little girl, picking her up and holding her closely. “Hi, baby! Merry Christmas!”

Audrey looked at the mother/daughter duo and back at Nathan before looking away entirely. Her eyes were stinging with tears. Yep, it was official. Somewhere along the way, she had turned into a sap.

“I didn’t think you could come!” Reagan’s voice pitched upward.

“I didn’t either, but I had a little help.” The woman looked at Nathan. “Thank you, Santa.”

“You’re welcome,” ‘Santa’ replied, sounding perfectly jolly.

“Baby, let’s go to the party.” With that, the mother/daughter duo went back into the commons room leaving Audrey and Nathan alone.

Audrey wiped at her tears, though she tried to be nonchalant about the whole matter.

“Are you crying, Parker?” Nathan asked.

“Please. I’ve got something in my eye.”

“Okay. But for the record, if you ever needed to cry, you wouldn’t have to hide it from me.”

“I guess I wouldn’t, would I?” Audrey conceded. She peered through the window of the door and watched as Reagan and her mom filled a plate of goodies. “You know, what you did for that little girl was amazing. She’ll always remember Santa bringing her mom to her.”

“I can’t take the credit. I had a little help along the way.”

“You’re being cryptic. More so than usual.”

Nathan looked at her intently. “Do you believe in Santa Claus, Audrey?”

“Well,” Audrey replied as she reached out to take Nathan’s hand, “I believe in _you_.”

“I have something for you.” Reluctantly pulling away from her grasp, Nathan reached for his cloth bag and pulled out one last present.

“I thought you’d given them all out--,” Audrey faltered. She read the label. “To Audrey, from Santa.”

“You were on Santa’s nice list this year,” Nathan said with a wink.

Audrey hesitantly ran her fingers over the colorful package, her teeth grazing her bottom lip.

“Aren’t you going to open it?” Nathan prodded.

“Yeah. I just—I’ve never gotten a present from Santa before.” Audrey finally began to rip into the paper. When she finally saw what it was, her mouth formed a perfect O. “Oh my—how did you know? This is—this is perfect.” Without another word, she pushed Nathan against the wall, tugged gently at his beard until she had pulled it down and had unhindered access to his lips. She traced his lips with the pad of her thumb before standing on her tip-toes and taking possession of his mouth.

Her kiss wasn’t soft and chaste, nor was it ravenous. It was imploring. Nathan could feel, not just her warmth and moisture, but her emotions coming off of her in waves. Tears spilled down her cheeks, making him pull her to him all the more tightly. 

And suddenly she giggled against his mouth. “Definitely a pillow,” she commented as she rested her hands along his waist.

Nathan leaned his forehead against hers. “You okay?” he asked softly.

“I’m perfect. This sounds silly, I know, but when I was a little girl, I wanted a Hello Kitty bag and stationery more than anything in the world. And somehow you knew.”

“I had a little help.”  
  
“But how?”

“Remember Mr. Nicholson?” Nathan asked as he wiped away her tears.

“Tough to forget him.”

“You asked me what he said when you were at Mrs. Nelson’s.”

“And you wouldn’t tell me,” Audrey remarked with a hint of exasperation.

“He told me that I needed to let down my guard, to take the chance when it presented itself. He said that we needed each other.”

“Let me guess. And you asked him if he’d been drinking.”

“Damn, you know me so well.”

“Shhhh. No cursing from Santa,” Audrey chastised with a small smile.

“Technically, Santa shouldn’t be making out in the hallway, either.”

Audrey stepped back and looked into the commons room. “The kids are having such a good time, I don’t think they even noticed that we’re gone. So Mr. Nicholson predicted us then?”

“Yep. And told me I should get you a Hello Kitty bag and paper.”

“This is weird. Nice weird, but weird. When I was a kid, I remember this one Christmas when I would have given my left arm to have Hello Kitty stuff. The sisters wouldn’t hear of it. It wasn’t practical.”

“It’s still not,” Nathan replied with a smile. “Thought Nicholson was senile until later at the B&B. When you asked me to stay with you, I—” he exhaled loudly. “I never dreamed I could be happy like that, like I’ve been since then. I’m supposed to be cursed, right? That’s what everyone says anyway, but you never make me feel like I am less of a man because I’m different. You make me feel alive. Audrey, I lov—” 

“Santa! Audrey!” Laverne hissed. Unbeknownst to Nathan and Audrey, she had opened the door and stuck her head through it. “No more kissing out here. We’re going to sing carols, and Santa has to lead them.”

“We’ll be right there,” Nathan called back, the disappointment in his voice sounding decidedly unSanta-like.

“Duty calls.” Audrey replied as she adjusted his Santa beard. She stepped back and looked at him, then fluffed the pillow in his midsection. “There. Good as new. So how’s your singing voice?" 

“Laverne never mentioned anything about singing.”

Audrey had to force herself not to laugh at Nathan’s discomfort. “I’m telling you. She’s dangerous. And to top it off, she has rotten timing.”

Nathan nodded. “We’ll finish this conversation later, I guess…”

Audrey smiled, “I guess so.” Opening the door, she looked over her shoulder at Nathan. “For the record, I love you, too.”

 

 

 


End file.
